What do you want?

I have yet to really establish with passion and emotion where it is I would like to be now.  Everything I read about goals and change says you need to have some emotion and feeling behind what you are striving for and I need to work on that.  I want to be a lighter, stronger, faster woman and I get excited when I catch glimpses of my stronger lighter body but it isn't enough.  I need to want this.  I think about things like my desire to be lighter and my reflections after a boundless and strong run.  I know life is easier and more fun in a lighter body and it feels soooooo much better in a lighter body.  I just need to want this.  Come on, want it.  Love the idea of it and really believe you can do it. 

My story

At this moment I know that my current story of becoming the best version of me has hit a plateau. This is the point where I usually turn to a new story, but the climax has yet to be written. I can't stop now!  I have written many stories in my weight loss adventures and they usually end with something like... I lost my way, became complacent and watched the scales and waist circumference increase once again.  So the story so far…there was this 38 year old mum who knew it was time to do something about her ever expanding body (yet again).  The scales said 89.5kg and she knew she was NOT going to get to 90 kilos ever again.  Having tried and succeeded in many  weight loss challenges she knew she just needed to enrol in something and get focused.  She had always admired Michelle Bridges’ no bullshit attitude and decided to sign up to her 12 week body transformation challenge.  12 weeks later she had lost 11.5% of her body weight and saw 78.4kg (for a day). 

Yippee I was getting loads of comments and was feeling mighty chuffed at my efforts.  So that could be the end of the great story but if I end it there what happens next?   Usually it goes something like...  she continued to exercise and enjoy her body but slowly lets bad habits creep in and with it gram after gram sneaks into her butt and gut leaving her disheartened and body conscious yet again.

Well this is where, to tell you the truth, until this moment I had not really thought how the next bit of my story would go. Two months and a silly season have passed and I am still sitting pretty in my sub 80kg body.  Story is going well and I am excited. I look better than I have for a while but know it is time to get into gear and get to a healthy weight range.  The other day I ran 1km in 4 minutes 20, life is great.  I am loving my machine of a body and am inspired by it.  I am however a little bored with how the story is going because I am still guilt ridden over my love and lack of self control when it comes to my wine consumption.  I am in a perpetual cycle.  I get through another rather mundane day with the kids home for the holidays, don't achieve much, daydream and procrastinate and 5 times out of 7 finish the day guzzling down a bottle of wine.  I don't want this to be my story but it is but I would like to add a new and more interesting bits to it.  How can I make things interesting?????

 An interesting thing did happen the other day and I have been thinking it was a sign but I am ignoring it.  One afternoon when all was busy, I snuck down to the wine cupboard after vowing to be alcohol free on weekdays and got a bottle of sav blanc to chill.  As I came up the stairs there was this bizarre strike of lightning which gave out an almighty shriek, I

nearly wet my pants and my hubby came out saying he had witnessed a strike of lightening hit the road just outside our house.  The universe is talking to me but I am not listening.  So now how can I really make this story end???

One day, while sitting on her magic carpet a bird whispered in her ear...the mutterings were translated,  "I see your future and things look grim for you, all you need to do today to change it is leave the wine to the winos and things will start to become amazing."  I am choosing a less than amazing existence while partaking in problematic drinking and it is time to do something about it.  As you as my witness I am going to vow to no longer drink obsessively.  I am amazing and am urgently requiring more amazing things to happen, and if it is meant to be.....well it is up to me!  Go forth and conquer that wino inside you, put her to bed once and for all.  It is time!

2012 - Year of Clarity

I have now declared 2012 as the year of clarity.
 
1.  Clarity of thoughts as I consume less booze.
2.  Clarity in wee as i make healthier choices
3. Clarity in my workspace as I ensure better order
4. Clarity in my direction, more planning and structure in everyday life.

Good Luck to me :)

Breaking Free

I am in between sizes now and I feel excited but I also have some demon inside me conspiring against me.  "Drink that wine, eat that extra food, who cares you are an 80kg woman stay here, you like it here."  This is where all your clothes fit and you are comfortable.  Okay comfortablish.  I soooo want to embrace smaller me but for some reason I have dropped the ball in the past three weeks and lost my momentum.  The main culprit is my over consumption of wine and if I continue to do this I will steadily gain back the weight I have lost.  WHAT AM I DOING?  I really have to work on this wine issue.  You know what I do now to try and feel okay about the wine drinking?  Wake up and not eat breakfast and go for a run to run off what I have drunk last night!  I do not want to be in this spiral.  I hate waking up every morning feeling bad about drinking the night before, I hate it!  It has a hold on me and I want to break free.  I want to break free from the hold.  Yes I do, I really do. 

What am I going to do?  Well today is the first day of the rest of my life so I may as well start now.  I am committed to eating clean today and only feeding myself noursihing food.  I love you body and I want to treat you well.

Crucial Time

What a journey~ I started this program with so many mixed emotions and I have enjoyed quite a gentle roller coaster ride through the 12 weeks.  I feel successful, having lost 11.5% of my body weight.  I have lost 44cm around my body and I am feeling better.  Today I ran with so much vitality as I bounded along the pavement 10 kilos lighter.  I can not amp enough on how excited I am.  I have taken a vow of being the healthy version of myself and with that has come a lighter version too.  I have met all my goals and surpassed what I hoped to achieve.  Now!  Where am I headed?  Well first off to a healthy BMI of 25.  I did not follow the program exactly which is why I am not boasting the loss I could have had but that is okay for me because coming from where I have been has me positioned perfectly for today.  Better, Brighter, Lighter, and commited to being the best version of me.  I have 6.2 kilos to go to be in the healthy BMI and I am commited to going there.  Hopefully I can keep doing what I am doing and it will come naturally.  Fingers crossed.  Watch this space.

My December Promise

Doing it~~~~

I think I have finally had my epiphany moment everyone. At the beginning I thought all was great for me because I wanted change for me to come from a good and positive place. I told a white lie to myself because... It wasn't really great, it was okish. Okay it wasn't even okish. But.,,,,,, I am starting to feel like me again and I like it! Now all is much greater!!!! Okay yes I am soooooo close to the goal weight I set for myself and that is an achievement in itself (YAY) but I feel like this is the first time I have ever lost my weight and really, truly believed I am not going to let it creep up on me again.

There is no way to healthiness because being healthy is the way.

I want to treat myself with respect and feed myself with wonderful healthy body and mind enhancing foods. I really do. I am no longer looking at a large, sorry sod in the mirror. I am looking at a strong, amazing, committed woman who has under so many different pressures come to be a much better version of myself. Have work hassles, mental issues, sick children and a busy travelling hubby and still lose weight (healthily) ????? You serious???? Yes, no more excuses, it really is just as easy to prepare a salad and meat and do a backyard workout as it is to feel guilty, eat crap and mope around. If you believe you can achieve. and that was what I kept telling myself, even when I fell down. Yes, I fell down, but just kept getting up and wiping myself down, committed to changing me for the better.

People are saying to me, wow, it must have been so hard and I answer very frankly, no. In fact, and I knew I would say this, once you believe in your cause and you are dedicated to changing and making things happen... a miraculous thing occurs.....It becomes easy. Serious??? It does! I love eating clean, training mean and loving me. Why wouldn't I??? I have improved my working relationships, my kids relationships with food and I am going to inspire others because I know you can have 100 excuses but in the end...YOU HAVE TO JUST DO IT!! Hooray for me, I did it and I am doing it and that is all there is to it!!