Monday 29 June 2015
Sunday 7 June 2015
My story
I have been thinking that writing my story as if I am already through this tornado would be really interesting. I am not liking where I am much at the moment. I have fallen into some pretty self destructive patterns and I don't seem to care. I am plodding through life not liking much at all. When I am with the kids they brighten many moments but most of the time I am annoyed and saddened that we have to live like this. I try to spend my many spare moments doing things but always end up in a heap on the couch staring blankly at the tv pining for my next fix. I even started smoking again. After 12 years I have been popping outside for a puff 3 or 4
times a night. I say to myself its not that bad but I am kidding myself. I am appalled with myself. What the hell am I doing??? Something has a hold of me and as I sit here in my semi clear moment I say. I am not going to do it anymore. I don't like me doing it and it is not who I am or who I stand for. I am not really getting any good out of it. I also can't seem to get back on my wagon of being alcohol free yet again, surprise, surprise. Bloody hell. My perpetual cycle of hell. When will I be able to say enough is enough.
You don't hear much from people in the struggle as there is not much to gain from hearing of my misery. What we want to hear is how did you get through? How is your story going to unfold? For 6 years now and probably more you have been unhappy with some of your lifestyle choices. However since as long as I can remember I have been a walking hypocrite, but I do get something right. I go to the gym, do some yoga, but then what do I do? Nice label isn't it. On one side I advocate for healthy living, I exercise, I study life, I meditate sometimes and I eat well (generally) and then I have this demon side which is where I over consume wine, sweets, cheese, bread and I have a bad attitude.
There is this technique pychs use called Value Directed Actions. I am keen to see how acting from my values could change my life. I think this has been the key to me making choices that are counter to my values. Why I do it I am not sure I bet I could search and find an answer on the internet though.
‘What is it I want for myself and the significant others I love, right now?’
I will go on a search to find out.
You don't hear much from people in the struggle as there is not much to gain from hearing of my misery. What we want to hear is how did you get through? How is your story going to unfold? For 6 years now and probably more you have been unhappy with some of your lifestyle choices. However since as long as I can remember I have been a walking hypocrite, but I do get something right. I go to the gym, do some yoga, but then what do I do? Nice label isn't it. On one side I advocate for healthy living, I exercise, I study life, I meditate sometimes and I eat well (generally) and then I have this demon side which is where I over consume wine, sweets, cheese, bread and I have a bad attitude.
There is this technique pychs use called Value Directed Actions. I am keen to see how acting from my values could change my life. I think this has been the key to me making choices that are counter to my values. Why I do it I am not sure I bet I could search and find an answer on the internet though.
‘What is it I want for myself and the significant others I love, right now?’
I will go on a search to find out.
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