Fall down 9 times get up 10

Okay, I want to announce that I am not fat I just have too much fat. 

What a full on couple of weeks.  I will be honest and upfront and let you know that I have lost my focus in this challenge.  Yes working a lot more than usual and its a busy time of the year but not an excuse to neglect my wonderful cause of becoming a healthier me.  These last 2 weeks have been somewhat appalling in so many ways.  I really have not remained focused on the program, I have guessed with everything I am doing and have not had the diligence required to get the success I could have had :(.  I underdo all my hard work so many times and makes it that much harder to reach the goal.  For example, yesterday, fabulous 1500 calorie workout came home and ate two sausages then later that day drank a bottle and a half of wine.  WHAT WAS I THINKING?  I feel so bad today not just cos I drank too much but because I am letting myself down, over and over again.  I have lost focus and all I can say is that I have switched into a default mode that is keeping me further away from a healthier me.  Come on!  What is my story, why have I done this to myself?  What am I going to do about it?  I have just spent the last two hours focusing on the 12wbt stuff and I am getting inspiration back.  I realise where I am going wrong and I am going to try again.  I am back on the horse and no more beating myself up.  I am beautiful regardless and today is a new day.  Just checked the scales and the damage is not too bad so going to just keep going.  I am still not sure if I am willing to commit to the program 100% as I am not sure I am willing to change some of things I like doing and eating.  Like peanut butter and cheese.  HANG ON!!  I am scratching my head a bit here.  I think I do not want to commit for all the wrong reasons.  I am afraid to say I will commit because if I fail I will have been a GUNNA.  How ludicrous does that sound?

Okay my focus for this week.

1.  Eat as closely to the menu as I can

2.  Do the prescribed exercise
3.  Limit my sugar intake
4.  Do some mind stuff to  get a more success orientated mindset
5.  Get organised and remove yesterdays junk... NOW

Enough with the procrastinating get on with it!!!

So here I am into this 5th week of my transformation and although slow and steady on the outside, I think I am going along in leaps and bounds in the inside.  Took my dad out for dinner tonight and didn't really think about what my game plan was or anything but made some good choices, ate a few chips off Lani's plate (smack on the wrist) but that was okay, only ate a quarter of my dinner and here's the big thing....I did not drink anything but water.  I sort of wanted to cos that is what you do for birthday celebrations but really didn't want to and so said to dad that I could take or leave the drinking and he enjoyed a light beer and a stimulating discussion with his daughter.  Man I have come a long way.

One thing I thought I would like to reflect on is why I do things 90% right and just not get that last 10% sorted to get over the line?  I am reminded of my first half marathon.  I ran so well until about 17k and then gave up and waddled the final 4k even though my body wanted to do it my mind just stopped me.  I never knew what was happening then but I wonder why I get like that sometimes?  My current 10% issue is snacking on sultanas and dates to the point of blowing out my calorie intake for the day.  I hear a voice jibbering on about how I was way worse before and that a few sultanas won't hurt and think about how much you were consuming, surely it won't make a difference..,  come on you so want something sweet, what harm can a sultana or 50 do.  Well I know they have about 150 calories per 45g and that is probably how many I just ate!! What a waste of calories, I may as well go and have a glass of wine.  Kidding!  Oh I am sick of finding ways to beat myself up.  Damn you sultanas.  Oh please someone help me find the answer to how I give 100 percent. Kate find the strength within to succeed and beat this demon once and for all.

Thanks to reading Angelas little blog I am humbled to remind myself that one step forward is all you need to get there. 

Next step - advice from From F**ked to Fab

I also need to put my little Leunig poem in here as well.  All about how to get there...

Listening to the voices in your head

Hey there beautiful world

So here I am again on this gorgeous Sunday afternoon.  I am about dash out and shop but wanted to chime in after listening to the pep talk by Mish.  It was al on about sabotaging ourselves.  We were asked to decide if we are truly sabotaging or just needing to hone our skills.  At first I want to say yeah, I sabotage but then I think it through and think I am not soooo bad.  I have some mean things to say about myself at times but I will put that down to Moody Me who tends to be a bit of a meany.  When I am Soul Source Me I feeling pretty okay.  I guess this comes down to the voices we choose to listen to inside our head.   Well for the next day or so I will listen to the voices and seee what they have to say for themselves. 

So about to venture into Week 5 and although I I slapped myself around a bit for my desire to eat beautiful sweet, lovely dates I stayed away from WINE, seriously,  I really did it.  WOOHOOO, I feel good dah dah dah dah da.  Although lots sucks in my external world with some crappy people in my sphere of influence I am okay, right now.  Who I am right this moment is all that matters and I am good. 

Holidays while in transformation mode

Hello world.
Well here I am contemplating my end of Week 3 status on this transformation challenge.  I am full of mixed thoughts, emotions and reflections on the journey so far but I am ready to face another day/week.  I went away for 8 days and spent a wonderful time with my extended family.  I over indulged on the wine front but kept everything else pretty well contained.  Overall I am fairly pleased with my conduct and having stepped on the scales to see minimal damage was done, I am pumped to slide into Week 4 ready to continue with the challenge.  I may have needed a serious pep talk  if I had gained weight but I am suitably satisfied that I made it through.  I am not giving up!!!


REASONS for  semi - SUCCESS

1. Had a lot of celery and salsa on hand when all the nibblies were presented
2. Thought about the calorie content of everything that went in my mouth
3. Chose salad, fish, prawns and minimal carbs at dinner time.
4.  Exercised every day over 1000 cals per day, achievements included;

• ran for an hour NON STOP
• Checked out a new gym (twice) and did workouts on my own 
• went kayaking 
• did some great yoga poses whilst enjoying the Evans Head river from the verandah
• walked up to the headland whenever someone went walking
• sought incidental opportunies to move, like bike riding with Lani and walking home from the shop.