Chocolate, how I love thee

So I started thinking about how much Chocolate and Peanut butter have been helping me lately but I thought I would also share my battle with Boozy Brain.  Oh tonight I heard him begging and trying every angle.  Screw you Boozy Brain.  I did not budge, I am steadfast on this Alcohol Free(AF) mission.  I am feeling my feelings and I am going to get through this tumultuous time AF.  This is a big test for me but I know I will be letting myself and my family down if I crumble and drink.  I have just watched my hubby deal with his pain by drinking hard tonight and it only makes me feel stronger. It strengthened my resolve to stay sober and as in control as possible given the circumstances.   We are dealing with a pretty sad situation at the moment as my son has got himself into a lot of trouble doing some very serious stuff, we are so befuddled and are feeling so hopeless.  This is our Reality Slap.  It is so painful but I am feeling it all.  The best part is that I am dealing with it not drinking it away.   I do not want to run away (well I kinda do, but I know I can't hide from this) but I am seeing things with such clarity.  I know things have to change and I am such a better me, ready and able to do what needs to be done.  My guy is only 11 and I so hope that I can pull him up from this and move with him in a better direction.  I will not put the past in front of me and revel in my failures.  I am here and this is where I am and I am on a mission to make a better life for us.  For the first time in a while I am proud of me and I KNOW it will only get better from here.  Thank you to chocolate for attempting to give me a little solace in these crazy times.

My body is a barometer to my soul

Well here I am still going strong.  No drinking for me!! One big thing that is making it so easy is that I am such a better me when my life is not impaired with wine.  Now all those things I have been ignoring are coming to the surface. Anyone else find that? It is not just obvious stuff like how bad my nutrition was, how I handled the kids, how I presented myself and what sort of relationship I had with my hubby. There are other things like,  I am far more aware of the mess in the house, I have noticed many things I have only got kinda got right at work, I have ignored many family things and my body is sore, inflexible and out of wack.  I have neglected my yoga and man I am so stiff.  Yoga was so good for helping me stay in check with myself and really helped become a barometer to my soul. I did a stretch class the other day and I can't even to touch  my toes. I was a mess and i think i am going to use it as the impettious for a further over haul . I really think that handling my life stuff is going to start with paying attention to my body.  So now that I'm sober it's time to connect with my body and nurture my soul through yoga and hopefully the other stuff will flow from there. It may seem petty but amazing things can happen on the mat. I'm off to face the music now.

Hooray I am FREE

Oh if you ever read my story from the beginning you will never have heard me write the way I am about to write.  I am finally FREE, I will never drink alcohol again and I am excited.  I have changed my whole attitude to it and I have no remorse.  I am not missing out I am loving life.  I love my teas and I love being a me I am proud to be.  I have lived for many years as a walking hypocrite and that has been so painful.  A walking contradiction.  I knew I did not have it together and would not be able to move forward until I extinguished my relationship with wine for good and it is now over I am a bit excited because I am really embracing this Never Drinking Again idea.  I really loved what I read on www.rational.org and it solidified what I have been wanting to do for ages...be free of the ugly hold I had on wine forever.  The Beast (my Boozy Brain) no longer walks with me and only sits in the shadows occasionally trying to convince me that I want to play with him but I am not paying him much attention.  This is what it has to be for me as I was painfully plagued with such guilt and torment for too long.  I am now the healthy fit person I have dreamed of being and no longer turning to the bottle for comfort.  I am feeling my feelings knowing that it really was not better seeking solace in the wine.  I just thought it was momentarily cos I am an instant gratification kind of girl.  The thing that signed the deal for me was the idea that I was allowing an animalistic, primitive part of my brain to rule my decisions (aka Boozy Brain or The Beast).  How pathetic.  I am far better than that so yes I have taken back my control and I am driving my "me" bus.  I hear another part of brain saying yeah yeah Kate its early days but I am not entertaining her either.  I am a much better me NOW and that is all that matters.
  

Bloody hell, will I ever get this right?

  It took me a few bumps to get started and I was struggling because I kept thinking that wine was my friend and I was making a sacrifice.  Then there were days where I said I am not drinking the wine, but Boozy Brain yelled louder. I thought,  I will just shut him up, and off I went to swill the noise away.  Oh how wrong I could be, letting a primitive animalistic creature govern my actions.  This is where I was at between April 14 and May 11, it was a slow process of discovery.  Not too many slips, like 5 I think but that has been part of the journey to where I am today.  happy Mothers Day Kate, your drinking days are OVER!!  I read a book by Jason Vale called, How to stop drinking easily and have finally adjusted my whole attitude and now I can say I will never drink again.  Things are changing, I feel it.