Do it anyway

It is nearing the end of February and progress has been slow but apparent in small ways. I've kept up my weights, lost some weigh and had a few days off wine. I have admitted I have some issues to attend to and am seeking help from professionals and I am on a mission to find my breakthrough.  I have been down this path before and even thought that this is it but I think I am realising that there is no "it" there is just here and now.  I have to learn some new skills to deal with all my unhelpful thoughts and stop trying to stop them, ignore them or critically judge them to the point of paralysis.  So thoughts like I am not going to set up the visual timetable because it won't work is the unhelpful thought, well, I need to say, thanks brain for that thought but I am okay, I think its worth a try and DO IT ANYWAY.... I like that notion, it resonates with me and could very well work.  For too long I have been trying to stop this or change that or deal with them and instead I need to just take what I have and move in the direction of what I truly want and what is useful for me to move forward.  I see, my brain says.  So no more am I going think I have to stop drinking, I am simply going to acknowledge the helpful factor of what I am doing and if its unhelpful I am going to move my actions or thoughts in the direction of what it is I truly value.  I want my family life to improve and I know I am part of the solution but how good will I be at moving this family in a positive direction if I continually hide behind my desire to mask or kill my feelings with wine.  I need perspective, clarity and the ability to observe what is happening in the dynamics and that will not happen as long as I am drinking.  I have put myself into the bottle and hid from what needs to be done.  Can this be the wake up call you need Kate.  Your family needs you and I know you are going to say that your drinking has created the mess we are in at the moment but STOP.  Is that a helpful thought?  NO!!!. What could you say anyway Do it anyway!!! Well lets just see where this takes me.

OMG - one of my favourite bands has a great song called DO IT ANYWAY!!

The REAL deal

Has the penny dropped yet?  I am such a thinker I have been trying to gather my thoughts enough to get myself into the perfect headspace to move away from my destructive and unhealthy habits YET AGAIN!  I am quite disturbed by the fact that I have been perpetually trying to do this for ever.  Never feeling satisfied about where I am, constantly berating myself for lacking whatever I need to have to be a wholesome, clean honourable person.  The voices in my head are yelling at me.  Come on stop this, find your peace! But at the same time they are tapping me on the shoulder and saying come on, you can still keep your pride whilst swilling down bottle after bottle of wine, or consuming too much peanut butter or ice cream or whatever other nasty I can find.  I am not proud of myself and I am not liking myself and if I was being really honest I am on a downhill slope headed to Shit Town.  I have to get to a place where I am no longer tormenting myself and I am smiling and waving because I am proud of what I am doing and what I have done.  So here I go again going down the only road I have ever known but this time I am going to fly.  It all begins right here, right now.  

Inside each of us, there’s a state of mind where being good to ourselves, others, and the planet is effortless. Don’t try to do good or be good. Just find that state of mind, and it’s all smooth flying from there.

So off I go in search of that state of mind.  It all starts here and now...you have everything you need right now so, fly away.

Carrying on

Well here I am in February recovering from a serious, what I am going to call  "spiky plateau". Whoops I fell down, got up, fell down got up a few too many times.  I have decided to take it on the chin and as my lovely quote next to these words says, carry on.  Yesterday is gone.  Time to face today and as we all know, tomorrow is a new day with may new possibilities.   So with these words I am preparing for the change.  I need...
1. Commitment
2, Consistency and
3. Clarity.
I am sick of trying to do this or that, I know I have said this before but...THERE IS NO TRY ONLY DO OR DO NOT or maybe DID NOT ;)... So yes, I do want to change and yes I do want to do things differently but I do not commit and I do let my silly habits get in the way.  So, give me a week and I will be ready to face this head on.  I will ease off the booze, I will eat less, I will consistently do my weights and I will get on with what needs to be done to create a peaceful, organised family.

Go me, yet again... Not giving in!!!