Tuesday 13 December 2011

Breaking Free

I am in between sizes now and I feel excited but I also have some demon inside me conspiring against me.  "Drink that wine, eat that extra food, who cares you are an 80kg woman stay here, you like it here."  This is where all your clothes fit and you are comfortable.  Okay comfortablish.  I soooo want to embrace smaller me but for some reason I have dropped the ball in the past three weeks and lost my momentum.  The main culprit is my over consumption of wine and if I continue to do this I will steadily gain back the weight I have lost.  WHAT AM I DOING?  I really have to work on this wine issue.  You know what I do now to try and feel okay about the wine drinking?  Wake up and not eat breakfast and go for a run to run off what I have drunk last night!  I do not want to be in this spiral.  I hate waking up every morning feeling bad about drinking the night before, I hate it!  It has a hold on me and I want to break free.  I want to break free from the hold.  Yes I do, I really do. 

What am I going to do?  Well today is the first day of the rest of my life so I may as well start now.  I am committed to eating clean today and only feeding myself noursihing food.  I love you body and I want to treat you well.

Sunday 4 December 2011

Crucial Time


What a journey~ I started this program with so many mixed emotions and I have enjoyed quite a gentle roller coaster ride through the 12 weeks.  I feel successful, having lost 11.5% of my body weight.  I have lost 44cm around my body and I am feeling better.  Today I ran with so much vitality as I bounded along the pavement 10 kilos lighter.  I can not amp enough on how excited I am.  I have taken a vow of being the healthy version of myself and with that has come a lighter version too.  I have met all my goals and surpassed what I hoped to achieve.  Now!  Where am I headed?  Well first off to a healthy BMI of 25.  I did not follow the program exactly which is why I am not boasting the loss I could have had but that is okay for me because coming from where I have been has me positioned perfectly for today.  Better, Brighter, Lighter, and commited to being the best version of me.  I have 6.2 kilos to go to be in the healthy BMI and I am commited to going there.  Hopefully I can keep doing what I am doing and it will come naturally.  Fingers crossed.  Watch this space.

Monday 28 November 2011

Doing it~~~~

I think I have finally had my epiphany moment everyone. At the beginning I thought all was great for me because I wanted change for me to come from a good and positive place. I told a white lie to myself because... It wasn't really great, it was okish. Okay it wasn't even okish. But.,,,,,, I am starting to feel like me again and I like it! Now all is much greater!!!! Okay yes I am soooooo close to the goal weight I set for myself and that is an achievement in itself (YAY) but I feel like this is the first time I have ever lost my weight and really, truly believed I am not going to let it creep up on me again.

There is no way to healthiness because being healthy is the way.

I want to treat myself with respect and feed myself with wonderful healthy body and mind enhancing foods. I really do. I am no longer looking at a large, sorry sod in the mirror. I am looking at a strong, amazing, committed woman who has under so many different pressures come to be a much better version of myself. Have work hassles, mental issues, sick children and a busy travelling hubby and still lose weight (healthily) ????? You serious???? Yes, no more excuses, it really is just as easy to prepare a salad and meat and do a backyard workout as it is to feel guilty, eat crap and mope around. If you believe you can achieve. and that was what I kept telling myself, even when I fell down. Yes, I fell down, but just kept getting up and wiping myself down, committed to changing me for the better.

People are saying to me, wow, it must have been so hard and I answer very frankly, no. In fact, and I knew I would say this, once you believe in your cause and you are dedicated to changing and making things happen... a miraculous thing occurs.....It becomes easy. Serious??? It does! I love eating clean, training mean and loving me. Why wouldn't I??? I have improved my working relationships, my kids relationships with food and I am going to inspire others because I know you can have 100 excuses but in the end...YOU HAVE TO JUST DO IT!! Hooray for me, I did it and I am doing it and that is all there is to it!!

Sunday 20 November 2011

Interesting Times

Well here we are in what Michelle is calling the sprint to the finish but for me, I am only just beginning.  I have finally developed a positive attitude to eating right for my body and am being rewarded by a better body, a stronger mind and all the things that come with losing "nearly" 10kg.  I have had so many times where I thought I would just give up and enjoy being a larger version of myself but listening to others journeys and taking time to reflect has taught me so much about who I am and what I want from my life.  I want to put healthy things in my mouth and I looove feeling stronger and faster and moving with more vitality.   This can only happen if I am a smaller person in the healthy weight range. 

  The rebel in me is a force to be reckoned with and is rearing her ugly head everyday but if I can keep her at bay for even 95% of the time then I am being a pretty darn good version of me.  I reaallly have to work on killing that demon voice inside my head but for now she is quiet and I am not going to let her win.  Not anymore.  I accept her presence and just keep remembering that she is not ALL of me just that yucky part we humans all have. 

I am really loving this experience and I am pleased with my results.  I am not going to spend too much time reflecting on how I could have done better because I did well enough.  I blame evil me for the crappy days and the too much wine consumption but resolve to live another day trying to keep the good me alive.  Isn't it funny how we have these battles?  I sooooo wish it didn't have to be this way but for now I am managing it and that will have to do.  It is a lot easier than it was even 4 weeks ago so that is great.

So I am sprinting to the finish line with a hope that I can lose these 2kg which will see me hit 79 point something.  I am sure I can do it and looking at the two weeks I have planned the universe is positioning me in a great place to do it.  Fingers crossed.  I am so close to the 70's I can hear them calling me.  I'm coming.....

Sunday 6 November 2011

Moving on from failures

When you realise you have failed at something how do you move forward with gusto?  I have thought about my failures lately and can't help but feel a little hutched over and bumbed.  If you want to think about it, at any given time we are failing.  Right now I am failing to get the wash in, failing to tell the dog to be quiet and failing to speak postively.  Yes today I failed to count the calories I consumed at lunch, failed to go that extra mile in my training and failed to drink enough water.  WHAT A FAILURE I AM.  I tried to think what Buddha would do in this situation and what would he say and I came up with the thought... move on and live the next moment as if for the first time.  You are only what you are NOW in this moment, not the last moment and not the next moment but now.  Right now I am reflecting on something to help the nasty voice inside my head be quiet, I am not doing the washing because I am here now reflecting.  AHHH, it is all about this moment.  Right now I am failing to feed starving children, failing to be outside and failing to speak to a friend.  So what, all that has nothing to do with this moment and what you are doing now.  What does matter is what I am doing now and for what its worth, I like it.  It feel nice, it feels right and I think has helped me.  At least for this moment.

Sunday 30 October 2011

Fall down 9 times get up 10


Okay, I want to announce that I am not fat I just have too much fat. 

What a full on couple of weeks.  I will be honest and upfront and let you know that I have lost my focus in this challenge.  Yes working a lot more than usual and its a busy time of the year but not an excuse to neglect my wonderful cause of becoming a healthier me.  These last 2 weeks have been somewhat appalling in so many ways.  I really have not remained focused on the program, I have guessed with everything I am doing and have not had the diligence required to get the success I could have had :(.  I underdo all my hard work so many times and makes it that much harder to reach the goal.  For example, yesterday, fabulous 1500 calorie workout came home and ate two sausages then later that day drank a bottle and a half of wine.  WHAT WAS I THINKING?  I feel so bad today not just cos I drank too much but because I am letting myself down, over and over again.  I have lost focus and all I can say is that I have switched into a default mode that is keeping me further away from a healthier me.  Come on!  What is my story, why have I done this to myself?  What am I going to do about it?  I have just spent the last two hours focusing on the 12wbt stuff and I am getting inspiration back.  I realise where I am going wrong and I am going to try again.  I am back on the horse and no more beating myself up.  I am beautiful regardless and today is a new day.  Just checked the scales and the damage is not too bad so going to just keep going.  I am still not sure if I am willing to commit to the program 100% as I am not sure I am willing to change some of things I like doing and eating.  Like peanut butter and cheese.  HANG ON!!  I am scratching my head a bit here.  I think I do not want to commit for all the wrong reasons.  I am afraid to say I will commit because if I fail I will have been a GUNNA.  How ludicrous does that sound?
Okay my focus for this week.

1.  Eat as closely to the menu as I can
2.  Do the prescribed exercise
3.  Limit my sugar intake
4.  Do some mind stuff to  get a more success orientated mindset
5.  Get organised and remove yesterdays junk... NOW

Enough with the procrastinating get on with it!!!

Thursday 13 October 2011


So here I am into this 5th week of my transformation and although slow and steady on the outside, I think I am going along in leaps and bounds in the inside.  Took my dad out for dinner tonight and didn't really think about what my game plan was or anything but made some good choices, ate a few chips off Lani's plate (smack on the wrist) but that was okay, only ate a quarter of my dinner and here's the big thing....I did not drink anything but water.  I sort of wanted to cos that is what you do for birthday celebrations but really didn't want to and so said to dad that I could take or leave the drinking and he enjoyed a light beer and a stimulating discussion with his daughter.  Man I have come a long way.

One thing I thought I would like to reflect on is why I do things 90% right and just not get that last 10% sorted to get over the line?  I am reminded of my first half marathon.  I ran so well until about 17k and then gave up and waddled the final 4k even though my body wanted to do it my mind just stopped me.  I never knew what was happening then but I wonder why I get like that sometimes?  My current 10% issue is snacking on sultanas and dates to the point of blowing out my calorie intake for the day.  I hear a voice jibbering on about how I was way worse before and that a few sultanas won't hurt and think about how much you were consuming, surely it won't make a difference..,  come on you so want something sweet, what harm can a sultana or 50 do.  Well I know they have about 150 calories per 45g and that is probably how many I just ate!! What a waste of calories, I may as well go and have a glass of wine.  Kidding!  Oh I am sick of finding ways to beat myself up.  Damn you sultanas.  Oh please someone help me find the answer to how I give 100 percent. Kate find the strength within to succeed and beat this demon once and for all.

Thanks to reading Angelas little blog I am humbled to remind myself that one step forward is all you need to get there. 

I also need to put my little Leunig poem in here as well.  All about how to get there...

Sunday 9 October 2011

Listening to the voices in your head

Hey there beautiful world

So here I am again on this gorgeous Sunday afternoon.  I am about dash out and shop but wanted to chime in after listening to the pep talk by Mish.  It was al on about sabotaging ourselves.  We were asked to decide if we are truly sabotaging or just needing to hone our skills.  At first I want to say yeah, I sabotage but then I think it through and think I am not soooo bad.  I have some mean things to say about myself at times but I will put that down to Moody Me who tends to be a bit of a meany.  When I am Soul Source Me I feeling pretty okay.  I guess this comes down to the voices we choose to listen to inside our head.   Well for the next day or so I will listen to the voices and seee what they have to say for themselves. 

So about to venture into Week 5 and although I I slapped myself around a bit for my desire to eat beautiful sweet, lovely dates I stayed away from WINE, seriously,  I really did it.  WOOHOOO, I feel good dah dah dah dah da.  Although lots sucks in my external world with some crappy people in my sphere of influence I am okay, right now.  Who I am right this moment is all that matters and I am good. 

Saturday 1 October 2011

Holidays while in transformation mode

Hello world.
Well here I am contemplating my end of Week 3 status on this transformation challenge.  I am full of mixed thoughts, emotions and reflections on the journey so far but I am ready to face another day/week.  I went away for 8 days and spent a wonderful time with my extended family.  I over indulged on the wine front but kept everything else pretty well contained.  Overall I am fairly pleased with my conduct and having stepped on the scales to see minimal damage was done, I am pumped to slide into Week 4 ready to continue with the challenge.  I may have needed a serious pep talk  if I had gained weight but I am suitably satisfied that I made it through.  I am not giving up!!!


REASONS for  semi - SUCCESS
  1. Had a lot of celery and salsa on hand when all the nibblies were presented
  2. Thought about the calorie content of everything that went in my mouth
  3. Chose salad, fish, prawns and minimal carbs at dinner time.
  4.  Exercised every day over 1000 cals per day, achievements included;
  • ran for an hour NON STOP
  • Checked out a new gym (twice) and did workouts on my own 
  • went kayaking 
  • did some great yoga poses whilst enjoying the Evans Head river from the verandah
  • walked up to the headland whenever someone went walking
  • sought incidental opportunies to move, like bike riding with Lani and walking home from the shop.

Monday 26 September 2011

IF YOU WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT YOU CAN'T DRINK WINE

So here I am on day 4 of my holiday and I am sitting back enjoying YET ANOTHER glass of wine.  WHILST BEING DEDICATED TO TRANSFORMING MY BODY.  Am I serious?  I went hard on the exercise today so I can sit back with my family and enjoy some wine without feeeling toooooo guilty.  I am ridden with guilt.  I am reminded of a Homer Simpson who cried his way through eating his delicious pet lobster Pinky.  I want it, I love it, it feels great and it is so bad for my weight loss challenge.  Yes I am saying that all in one breathe.  SO WHAT DO i DO ABOUT IT? Have another sip and sit back committed to enjoying the sips and indulge in the happiness that is wine.  I burnt 1700 callories in order to do this and HELL I am going to enjoy it.  All my love...

Monday 19 September 2011

Mindfulness - beating the negative thoughts and actions


So I am thinking about mindfulness today and how helpful it can be in this journey to beat my battle with food.  I checked out my mind today and man was it full of some mess and didn't that mess up everything.  My interactions with my kids, my resolve to eat clean, my mood, my facial expressions and concentration and tiredness levels.  I seriouly saw myself (as if from above) go to the kitchen and attempt to find relief in some Kraft FREE cheese and grissini sticks.  I ate to seek comfort, OMG!   I never knew that negative thoughts could be so destructive.  What I "should" have done, (here comes the shoulda, coulda, woulda didn't's;) was observed my flow of negative thoughts with a non-judgemental attitude feeling grateful my kids are relatively healthy and nice, forgiving them for their blatant disregard for my clean house and hugging them as if for the first time.  Oh the perfect world, is this a place we can inhabit?  Well on the flip side I didn't drink and my biggest splurge was a HUGE handful of sultanas.

Friday 16 September 2011

You create your reality

This could be an after shot, 

Well still moving along in the weight loss challenge.  Had such a big blow to my professional ego yesterday it saw me turn to my pal wine and although a little down hearted I took it in my stride.  I should add that prior to wining I went down to the oval and did the Thursday Outdoor session.  I can burn off 800 calories, just need to keep the mission in mind.
To eat only as much as required to allow for a loss of the flabby stuff with a focus on gaining a lighter body full of boundless vitality and strength.
 Went for a two and half hour trek around Mt Coot-ha day to soothe the soul and am feeling much better now, thanks.  I know I can do this, moment by moment.  I woke up this morning early and put my yoga mat on the ground and finally did some moves, a bit of heart connecting and I was on fire.  I still am, although that may be the sunburn from being out in the sun from (9:30 - 12..)

So speaking about creating your own reality I am inspired to share some thoughts.  If you think people are being unsupportive you will see the unsupportive ones (and even make people who may be doing their best to support you seem unsupportive). If you think you need to hide behind t-shirts because you need to hide something, you won't feel good in anything else.  Ever since I decided to transform my body I am happy to flaunt what I have now, I feel less like hiding behing the big shirt.  Oh and by the way the big shirts do not really hide that much, its all still in there and while your working out your bits are exposed.



Tuesday 13 September 2011

I am ready to face my demons

Well along with many team members in the 12WBT I am boasting a large loss since weighing in last week from 89.5 - 87.5kg.  I told you I would get to overweight quickly, no longer obese (phew).  I soooo know how to do this weight loss stuff and know exactly why I always fail.  I will not fail this time.  I want this so much.  I can see so many things in my favour. 

  1. Supportive husband.  I think I almost create the façade that he is un-supportive.  I create my reality and  I am in this for me. I am finally going to stop blaming him for sabotaging me.  It is all about your mindset. 
  2. Dedicated to taking a positive approach to my weight loss journey.
  3. Excited about connecting with like - minded people.
  4. Really willing to face reality, I do need to lose weight and I do not feel okay in a large, over weight body.
  5. Know that I have been using excuses not to exercise and I have no excuses, none, seriously.  I have a freakin gym downstairs.

Sunday 11 September 2011

26 Days and a new mindset will be locked in...go me

Several years ago NASA wanted to see how astronauts coped with spatial disorientation while in space. So they took a group of astronauts and put them in zero gravity for an extended period of time.
The scientists also made the astronauts wear a pair of 'special' glasses that made them see the world completely upside down!
The astronauts experienced a dramatic surge in stress and anxiety in the beginning.
Then gradually, this stress and anxiety subsided. In fact...
After about 26 days, the astronauts got completely used to the 'upside down' vision - as if it was normal.
What the scientists discovered was that the human brain can acquire completely new ways of operating surprisingly quickly.
The good news is....this means you can form completely new habits, patterns and behaviours faster than you think.
In fact, as this study demonstrates you can create as totally new perspective on life - in as little as 26 to 30 days.

Day one - Am I ready?

Okay today is the beginning of a new life.  I admitted to Brett that I am going to spend the next 12 weeks getting some weight off my body and his response is make sure I get the house in order first.  AGGHHHHHH>.  There will always be soemething else to do so I am not buying into that.  I want to feel good when sit down and do that stuff :).  I should be doing tax stuff as I type this but it seems so much more appealing to indulge in some navel gazing.  Really important to get yourself in the right head space with this weight losing stuff, it takes time to get into gear. 
I have to say this is going to be a challenge for me.  It is day one and I have yet to exercise cos Lani is home sick.  AGGGHHHH .  I have been sitting at the computer for nearly three hours reading forums,  making a collage of pics of my lardiness, planning exercise and meals.  All of that is good but what about all the other stuff?  I have an assignment to do, planning for school, tax stuff and I sit here being totally unproductive.  I guess some would say what I am doing is important but I have to work out how to find the balance.  This is not a good start.  Oh man.  Okay well it is only 12 pm so I have a half a day to see some improvements and get into the right head space.  How about I try and plan for a more successful next half day.  Where to start.....

Thursday 8 September 2011

The word "fat"

Oh god I am 1kg into the obese range. I am OBESE. I read this article in search of whether it is helpful to refer to myself as fat  http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-10789553. It reckons that saying we are fat makes it more personal.  I have to say I feel happier referring to myself as FAT as opposed to OBESE.  Okay  I am not going to be OBESE for long as I only have to lose a kilo to get back in the OVERWEIGHT category.  Either way I am Fat and I am okay with that.  I really am.    I am not sure whether my scales are accurate because the children threw them in the bath the other day but this is serious business.  I am OBESE.  I am going to make an appointment to get my measurements done at the gym.  I have been so scared to face the reality of my lardiness but I have to do this now.  I have told people now.  It is time.

I am overweight and ready to clean up my stuff

from nataliedee.com
I have been getting invitations to join the 12 week body transformation team with Michelle Bridges since it began last year and I am ready to tidy my body up now. I have been starting a weight-loss journey for over a year now and barely make it through a week of good habits before I lose focus, become complacent, crave chocolate or wine and become a victim to my rather full on life. Weighing in today 4 kilograms heavier than last year is a definite slap in the face. Sitting down and feeling the enormous spare tyre around my middle is yet another eye opener. Turning around to inspect my rear side and realising I look like those fat ladies I secretly cringe at on the beach tells me it is time for a change. I realised last night I accidentally got fat again and I AM NOT A FAT PERSON ( I just look fat). I am a very fit fatty who has not paid enough attention to my calorie intake and have allowed things like wine, cheese and nibblies to get the better of my body.

I am a 38 year old mother of two (6 & 8 years), working part time as primary school teacher whilst studying my Master of Education. My husband is a national sales manager and spends a few days every week away. This year has been particularly challenging as my daughter has been fighting every minor ailment possible meaning a lot of my Me time has been taken up caring for her. The only reason I have the time to do all  this is because I am home from work yet again caring for her while she suffers a high fever and gastro.

My mission is to prove to myself yet again that regardless of my life circumstances I can achieve what I believe I can achieve. I have decided that I needed something else to help me remain committed as alone I am filled with too many rationalisation which have held me back.

Go me!!!