"It really is enough and I am not just trying to make you feel better."

How many times have you decided in your own mind that you have had enough of your daily bad habits and vowed to change?  I am 41 and have probably made about 3 or 4 vows every year since I was 20 so over the past 20 years I have made about 80 attempts to make change.  Of those attempts I would say maybe 5 of them were successful.  Here are my most notable achievements...
1.  My most recent attempt to give up alcohol
2.  A good weight loss success back in late 2011 where I went from 90kg to 75kg and have generally been able to stay about 3kg either side of that for the past three years.  I changed my relationship with food.
3.  After the birth of my second child I weighed in at about 115kg and managed to get back down to about 90kg in 2005 with a pretty strict regime.
4.  Staying pretty healthy during my child rearing years from 2002 - 2009, I had some great moments back then.  I wish I had bottled it as I forget what sort of mindset I was in.
5. Managing my mental health (only now can I say that I have that in the bag.)

So I am sitting asking myself yet again, what am I going to do to make a change.  I am tired of being overweight and disliking what I see in the mirror.  Why am I forever thinking about changing and only making very small insignificant achievements most of the time and basically wishing things were different all the time.  My mission lately has been to try and be the best version of me I can whilst remaining true to my values.

Are there people out there who live happy, healthy lives where they are not preoccupied with thoughts of how they are going to change things almost all the time?  Can I ever be simply happy with where I am knowing that I am doing okay? The answer of course will always be to some degree that you are doing okay and your doing the best you can etc...but it never seems to be enough.  When I was drinking dangerously large amount of alcohol I couldn't say that.  When I am eating way more than my body requires I can't say that.  But most importantly and probably the one area I neglect the most, when I am not being true to myself and ignoring my personal and spiritual needs I am not doing okay.

So here I am contemplating yet another change but I want things to be different this time.  I want to take everything that I have collectively learned over the years to get to a place where I am totally comfortable with what I am doing knowing that it is enough.

Lately a big theme of my personal development is being able to say that things are good enough but the critical side of me who is rather clever and unrelenting argues very loudly.  It is not good enough to be living in body that is heavier then it should be to be healthy.  It is not good enough that you do things that don't feel right.

It is time to live more deliberately and purposely and pay attention to that little voice inside.  I know you want to tell me that I am good enough and I AM, but what I am doing isn't and there in lies my impetus for change.