Yep. not going too well but recognising the challenge

Yes, the title says it all.

I am currently in a holding pattern and have fallen into the vortex of my beloved wine.  Why?  Because I am more fun, I feel better, I can cope with what is going on within my environment with a much smilier  disposition.  You may call them excuses but I am calling them part of this evil addiction.  Do you know how evil my mind or I am?  Sometimes it is hard to separate the two.  I have found a book called... The cure for Alcoholism.  Boasting an 80 percent success rate.  Hilarious thing is that you actually have to be drinking in order for it to work.  So I think hell forgot this abstinence I will go back to drinking, see the doc and maybe get them to prescribe this naltrexone and finally be free of this evil hold.  But for now the abstinence is back on hold.

I will give you some basic background.  The Sinclair Method is what it is called and it basically works on the premise that Alcohol releases endorphins into our brain and we "learn" to drink. Some people are better at using that response to Learn to drink better than others and get hooked on getting that Endorphin rush and therefore find it harder to control their drinking.  So in order to stop.  You take a drug one hour before you drink which aims to stop you from getting that rush and therefore unlearning to drink for the rush.  You no longer get the rush and so therefore slowly your cravings subside and with that, your desire to drink and you are free of the addiction.  A key thing here is your brain is biologically addicted to drinking.

I have got sucked into the idea this may be for me because I am never fully free from the desire to drink. I keep having urges and cravings and fights with myself.  I am imagining that maybe I could be free of the desire simply by unlearning how to drink and therefore losing the desire to drink.  I think I may need this if I truly want to be free.

So at the moment I am giving myself permission to drink.  I know, I know, I said I would stop but I am listening to my brain and I am thinking.  As long as wine is around me I have to learn to stop loving it or I will be forever tormented and that just is not how I want to live my life.  I want to be free.

The story continues....