Me and this story

So I want to talk about stories.  Time and time again I am being reminded that I am the creator of my story and owning them is pivotal to me over coming obstacles and thriving in my life.  Yet again today I read that we need to own our stories and having a laugh at a collection of words that I often say.  If I own this story I get to write the ending. Well my words have gone down the avenue of  “this is not the way I want this story to go or end”.  A few weeks ago I was in the darkest place I have known where I was desperate to end the suffering. Mine,  my children’s and my husbands.  Nothing I was doing was altering things or stopping devastating reality that we were all facing.  There was so much conflict, pain, destruction, hurt, dysfunction and craziness something had to change.  I was feeling shame,  guilty, helpless and so unloved and I was breaking.  So I woke up one day and I said this is my story and I want it to end well.  I want readers to cheer and feel stoked for my character.  My character was devastated and was allowing her lack of self worth to destroy everything.  I was not liking the story (or me) but I finally decided it did not have to head the way it was going. 

Carl Jung reminds me “I am not what has happened to me I am what I choose to become.”  This is incredibly powerful and if I am going to fight the shame monster inside it will come from what I choose to become.  This is one very interesting story and it is going to get more interesting but please keep cheering for me.