Doing it~~~~

I think I have finally had my epiphany moment everyone. At the beginning I thought all was great for me because I wanted change for me to come from a good and positive place. I told a white lie to myself because... It wasn't really great, it was okish. Okay it wasn't even okish. But.,,,,,, I am starting to feel like me again and I like it! Now all is much greater!!!! Okay yes I am soooooo close to the goal weight I set for myself and that is an achievement in itself (YAY) but I feel like this is the first time I have ever lost my weight and really, truly believed I am not going to let it creep up on me again.

There is no way to healthiness because being healthy is the way.

I want to treat myself with respect and feed myself with wonderful healthy body and mind enhancing foods. I really do. I am no longer looking at a large, sorry sod in the mirror. I am looking at a strong, amazing, committed woman who has under so many different pressures come to be a much better version of myself. Have work hassles, mental issues, sick children and a busy travelling hubby and still lose weight (healthily) ????? You serious???? Yes, no more excuses, it really is just as easy to prepare a salad and meat and do a backyard workout as it is to feel guilty, eat crap and mope around. If you believe you can achieve. and that was what I kept telling myself, even when I fell down. Yes, I fell down, but just kept getting up and wiping myself down, committed to changing me for the better.

People are saying to me, wow, it must have been so hard and I answer very frankly, no. In fact, and I knew I would say this, once you believe in your cause and you are dedicated to changing and making things happen... a miraculous thing occurs.....It becomes easy. Serious??? It does! I love eating clean, training mean and loving me. Why wouldn't I??? I have improved my working relationships, my kids relationships with food and I am going to inspire others because I know you can have 100 excuses but in the end...YOU HAVE TO JUST DO IT!! Hooray for me, I did it and I am doing it and that is all there is to it!!

Interesting Times

Well here we are in what Michelle is calling the sprint to the finish but for me, I am only just beginning.  I have finally developed a positive attitude to eating right for my body and am being rewarded by a better body, a stronger mind and all the things that come with losing "nearly" 10kg.  I have had so many times where I thought I would just give up and enjoy being a larger version of myself but listening to others journeys and taking time to reflect has taught me so much about who I am and what I want from my life.  I want to put healthy things in my mouth and I looove feeling stronger and faster and moving with more vitality.   This can only happen if I am a smaller person in the healthy weight range. 

  The rebel in me is a force to be reckoned with and is rearing her ugly head everyday but if I can keep her at bay for even 95% of the time then I am being a pretty darn good version of me.  I reaallly have to work on killing that demon voice inside my head but for now she is quiet and I am not going to let her win.  Not anymore.  I accept her presence and just keep remembering that she is not ALL of me just that yucky part we humans all have. 

I am really loving this experience and I am pleased with my results.  I am not going to spend too much time reflecting on how I could have done better because I did well enough.  I blame evil me for the crappy days and the too much wine consumption but resolve to live another day trying to keep the good me alive.  Isn't it funny how we have these battles?  I sooooo wish it didn't have to be this way but for now I am managing it and that will have to do.  It is a lot easier than it was even 4 weeks ago so that is great.

So I am sprinting to the finish line with a hope that I can lose these 2kg which will see me hit 79 point something.  I am sure I can do it and looking at the two weeks I have planned the universe is positioning me in a great place to do it.  Fingers crossed.  I am so close to the 70's I can hear them calling me.  I'm coming.....

Moving on from failures

When you realise you have failed at something how do you move forward with gusto?  I have thought about my failures lately and can't help but feel a little hutched over and bumbed.  If you want to think about it, at any given time we are failing.  Right now I am failing to get the wash in, failing to tell the dog to be quiet and failing to speak postively.  Yes today I failed to count the calories I consumed at lunch, failed to go that extra mile in my training and failed to drink enough water.  WHAT A FAILURE I AM.  I tried to think what Buddha would do in this situation and what would he say and I came up with the thought... move on and live the next moment as if for the first time.  You are only what you are NOW in this moment, not the last moment and not the next moment but now.  Right now I am reflecting on something to help the nasty voice inside my head be quiet, I am not doing the washing because I am here now reflecting.  AHHH, it is all about this moment.  Right now I am failing to feed starving children, failing to be outside and failing to speak to a friend.  So what, all that has nothing to do with this moment and what you are doing now.  What does matter is what I am doing now and for what its worth, I like it.  It feel nice, it feels right and I think has helped me.  At least for this moment.

Fall down 9 times get up 10

Okay, I want to announce that I am not fat I just have too much fat. 

What a full on couple of weeks.  I will be honest and upfront and let you know that I have lost my focus in this challenge.  Yes working a lot more than usual and its a busy time of the year but not an excuse to neglect my wonderful cause of becoming a healthier me.  These last 2 weeks have been somewhat appalling in so many ways.  I really have not remained focused on the program, I have guessed with everything I am doing and have not had the diligence required to get the success I could have had :(.  I underdo all my hard work so many times and makes it that much harder to reach the goal.  For example, yesterday, fabulous 1500 calorie workout came home and ate two sausages then later that day drank a bottle and a half of wine.  WHAT WAS I THINKING?  I feel so bad today not just cos I drank too much but because I am letting myself down, over and over again.  I have lost focus and all I can say is that I have switched into a default mode that is keeping me further away from a healthier me.  Come on!  What is my story, why have I done this to myself?  What am I going to do about it?  I have just spent the last two hours focusing on the 12wbt stuff and I am getting inspiration back.  I realise where I am going wrong and I am going to try again.  I am back on the horse and no more beating myself up.  I am beautiful regardless and today is a new day.  Just checked the scales and the damage is not too bad so going to just keep going.  I am still not sure if I am willing to commit to the program 100% as I am not sure I am willing to change some of things I like doing and eating.  Like peanut butter and cheese.  HANG ON!!  I am scratching my head a bit here.  I think I do not want to commit for all the wrong reasons.  I am afraid to say I will commit because if I fail I will have been a GUNNA.  How ludicrous does that sound?

Okay my focus for this week.

1.  Eat as closely to the menu as I can

2.  Do the prescribed exercise
3.  Limit my sugar intake
4.  Do some mind stuff to  get a more success orientated mindset
5.  Get organised and remove yesterdays junk... NOW

Enough with the procrastinating get on with it!!!

So here I am into this 5th week of my transformation and although slow and steady on the outside, I think I am going along in leaps and bounds in the inside.  Took my dad out for dinner tonight and didn't really think about what my game plan was or anything but made some good choices, ate a few chips off Lani's plate (smack on the wrist) but that was okay, only ate a quarter of my dinner and here's the big thing....I did not drink anything but water.  I sort of wanted to cos that is what you do for birthday celebrations but really didn't want to and so said to dad that I could take or leave the drinking and he enjoyed a light beer and a stimulating discussion with his daughter.  Man I have come a long way.

One thing I thought I would like to reflect on is why I do things 90% right and just not get that last 10% sorted to get over the line?  I am reminded of my first half marathon.  I ran so well until about 17k and then gave up and waddled the final 4k even though my body wanted to do it my mind just stopped me.  I never knew what was happening then but I wonder why I get like that sometimes?  My current 10% issue is snacking on sultanas and dates to the point of blowing out my calorie intake for the day.  I hear a voice jibbering on about how I was way worse before and that a few sultanas won't hurt and think about how much you were consuming, surely it won't make a difference..,  come on you so want something sweet, what harm can a sultana or 50 do.  Well I know they have about 150 calories per 45g and that is probably how many I just ate!! What a waste of calories, I may as well go and have a glass of wine.  Kidding!  Oh I am sick of finding ways to beat myself up.  Damn you sultanas.  Oh please someone help me find the answer to how I give 100 percent. Kate find the strength within to succeed and beat this demon once and for all.

Thanks to reading Angelas little blog I am humbled to remind myself that one step forward is all you need to get there. 

Next step - advice from From F**ked to Fab

I also need to put my little Leunig poem in here as well.  All about how to get there...

Listening to the voices in your head

Hey there beautiful world

So here I am again on this gorgeous Sunday afternoon.  I am about dash out and shop but wanted to chime in after listening to the pep talk by Mish.  It was al on about sabotaging ourselves.  We were asked to decide if we are truly sabotaging or just needing to hone our skills.  At first I want to say yeah, I sabotage but then I think it through and think I am not soooo bad.  I have some mean things to say about myself at times but I will put that down to Moody Me who tends to be a bit of a meany.  When I am Soul Source Me I feeling pretty okay.  I guess this comes down to the voices we choose to listen to inside our head.   Well for the next day or so I will listen to the voices and seee what they have to say for themselves. 

So about to venture into Week 5 and although I I slapped myself around a bit for my desire to eat beautiful sweet, lovely dates I stayed away from WINE, seriously,  I really did it.  WOOHOOO, I feel good dah dah dah dah da.  Although lots sucks in my external world with some crappy people in my sphere of influence I am okay, right now.  Who I am right this moment is all that matters and I am good. 

Holidays while in transformation mode

Hello world.
Well here I am contemplating my end of Week 3 status on this transformation challenge.  I am full of mixed thoughts, emotions and reflections on the journey so far but I am ready to face another day/week.  I went away for 8 days and spent a wonderful time with my extended family.  I over indulged on the wine front but kept everything else pretty well contained.  Overall I am fairly pleased with my conduct and having stepped on the scales to see minimal damage was done, I am pumped to slide into Week 4 ready to continue with the challenge.  I may have needed a serious pep talk  if I had gained weight but I am suitably satisfied that I made it through.  I am not giving up!!!


REASONS for  semi - SUCCESS

1. Had a lot of celery and salsa on hand when all the nibblies were presented
2. Thought about the calorie content of everything that went in my mouth
3. Chose salad, fish, prawns and minimal carbs at dinner time.
4.  Exercised every day over 1000 cals per day, achievements included;

• ran for an hour NON STOP
• Checked out a new gym (twice) and did workouts on my own 
• went kayaking 
• did some great yoga poses whilst enjoying the Evans Head river from the verandah
• walked up to the headland whenever someone went walking
• sought incidental opportunies to move, like bike riding with Lani and walking home from the shop.